NO ACADEMIC PRECAUTION

The ill Prof lacked
A prophylactic

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

SHORTSIGHTED

She would have seen the biopic
If she wasn't so myopic

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

POST-OP CHANGE OF TUNE

Adam had not said to me
He'd been annoyed
At his Adenoidectomy

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

STAY ANOTHER DAY

I would
Discharge him
If it weren't for
His discharge

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

PATHS

Are you a sociopath?
A psychopath?
Or just an osteopath?

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

BIRD FLU CONCERNS

If it strikes, we’re up the swanny.
If it hits, we’re in a flap.
If it spreads, it won’t be funny.
It could wipe us off the map.

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

BIRD FLU ABROAD

News of the outbreak
Came through in pidgin English

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

PRIVATE MEDICINE

When his credit card expired,
So did he.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

WORKING HARD

The transplant surgeon
Was well known as a grafter.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

IN A FLAP

Is it true
That blokes can get
Bird flu too?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

GOOD IDEA

Your idea of
Emulating the
Partial blockage
Of air passages
By producing
High-pitched sounds
And whistling noises
Was a great wheeze.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

AVIAN SHOCK

Oh my word, Sue.
I just heard you
Have the bird flu.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (2)

The proctologist
Was told
To rectify
His mistake

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (1)

The proctologist
Was told
Where he
Could stick
His suggestion.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

START ON THE RIGHT FOOT

Which is better?
A chiropodist who knows his onions?
Or a greengrocer who knows his bunions?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

NAILED

Do outgoing people
Get ingrowing toenails?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

TENUOUS

Ted, 10, told of his
Terrible tendency
Towards tendonitis

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

GUT INSTINCT

If I write one hundred thousand words
On problems associated with the gut
Have I have created a
Gastrointestinal tract?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

SUCCESSFUL VERSE

For a successful medical poem
You just need
A germ of an idea

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

NOT CONVINCED

Call me a
Sceptic
But I don't think your
Peptic ulcer has gone
Septic

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.