PRIVATE MEDICINE

When his credit card expired,
So did he.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

WORKING HARD

The transplant surgeon
Was well known as a grafter.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

IN A FLAP

Is it true
That blokes can get
Bird flu too?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

GOOD IDEA

Your idea of
Emulating the
Partial blockage
Of air passages
By producing
High-pitched sounds
And whistling noises
Was a great wheeze.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

AVIAN SHOCK

Oh my word, Sue.
I just heard you
Have the bird flu.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (2)

The proctologist
Was told
To rectify
His mistake

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (1)

The proctologist
Was told
Where he
Could stick
His suggestion.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

START ON THE RIGHT FOOT

Which is better?
A chiropodist who knows his onions?
Or a greengrocer who knows his bunions?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

NAILED

Do outgoing people
Get ingrowing toenails?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

TENUOUS

Ted, 10, told of his
Terrible tendency
Towards tendonitis

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

GUT INSTINCT

If I write one hundred thousand words
On problems associated with the gut
Have I have created a
Gastrointestinal tract?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

SUCCESSFUL VERSE

For a successful medical poem
You just need
A germ of an idea

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

NOT CONVINCED

Call me a
Sceptic
But I don't think your
Peptic ulcer has gone
Septic

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

OFF CENTRE

They said they'd treat my middle ear.
But it was my left one that wasn't right.

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

SW4

I started
Sneezing
In SW4.

I'd caught
A Clapham
Common cold.

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

IMPLIED CRITICISM

It is
Impertinent and
Improper to
Imply I have
Impetigo

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

SOMETHING ADDED, SOMETHING TAKEN AWAY

The medical report
On her operation
Had an appendix.

But she no longer did.

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

VETERINARY MEDICINE (AGAIN)

Can bees get hives?

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

FIT FOR NOTHING

Are you fit?
Do you have fits?
Or do you fit into neither category?

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.

BRUISING ENCOUNTER

They missed his contusion
In all the confusion

© Phil Woodford, 2004. All rights reserved.