TIME FOR A BREW

Is a cup of tea
In an infirmary
What you might see
As hospitality?

© Phil Woodford, 2007. All rights reserved.

ATTITUDE PROBLEM

Why aren't the people at the hospital
Able to be more hospitable?

© Phil Woodford, 2007. All rights reserved.

DOCTORS' LETTERS

Anna had anaemia
Belinda had blood poisoning

Carmen complained of Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome

Dermot had dermatitis
Emma had emphysema

Fred feared frostbite

Gazza had gastroenteritis
Hymie had hypertension

Idi identified idiopathic hypertrophic subaortic stenosis

Joy had joint dislocation
Kerry had keratitis

Larry lost his voice through laryngitis

Mo had motion sickness
Noah had a nosebleed

Oscar opted to have his osteoporosis checked out

Perry had periodonitis
Queenie had a queer turn

Ray reckoned he had rabies

Silas had a sinus infection
Tony had tonsillitis

Ursula understood she had an ulcer

Val had varicose veins
Wally had warts
Xavier had eczema
Yolanda had yellow fever

But thankfully Zach zapped his zinc deficiency.

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved. First published on www.philsxmasbonus.co.uk

STARTING OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT

The chiropodist
Seemed to
Have a
Callus disregard
For his patients

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

NO ACADEMIC PRECAUTION

The ill Prof lacked
A prophylactic

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

SHORTSIGHTED

She would have seen the biopic
If she wasn't so myopic

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

POST-OP CHANGE OF TUNE

Adam had not said to me
He'd been annoyed
At his Adenoidectomy

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

STAY ANOTHER DAY

I would
Discharge him
If it weren't for
His discharge

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

PATHS

Are you a sociopath?
A psychopath?
Or just an osteopath?

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

BIRD FLU CONCERNS

If it strikes, we’re up the swanny.
If it hits, we’re in a flap.
If it spreads, it won’t be funny.
It could wipe us off the map.

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

BIRD FLU ABROAD

News of the outbreak
Came through in pidgin English

© Phil Woodford, 2006. All rights reserved.

PRIVATE MEDICINE

When his credit card expired,
So did he.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

WORKING HARD

The transplant surgeon
Was well known as a grafter.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

IN A FLAP

Is it true
That blokes can get
Bird flu too?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

GOOD IDEA

Your idea of
Emulating the
Partial blockage
Of air passages
By producing
High-pitched sounds
And whistling noises
Was a great wheeze.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

AVIAN SHOCK

Oh my word, Sue.
I just heard you
Have the bird flu.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (2)

The proctologist
Was told
To rectify
His mistake

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

BUM DEAL (1)

The proctologist
Was told
Where he
Could stick
His suggestion.

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

START ON THE RIGHT FOOT

Which is better?
A chiropodist who knows his onions?
Or a greengrocer who knows his bunions?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.

NAILED

Do outgoing people
Get ingrowing toenails?

© Phil Woodford, 2005. All rights reserved.